Something Cries Out. . .

I am discovering, uncovering, perhaps recovering parts of my Self in "scene.

In a thudding moment, the warrior in me calls out - Is that all you've got?
You can't overcome my strength.

In a electrical jolt the brat in me sticks out her tongue and says - na, na, na, na na. . . You can't catch my surrender.

In a moment of claws, teeth, or metal the erotic damsel in me cries out - Ahhhh, my lord, I am yours. More please. . .

In a stinging moment, the slave in me whimpers saying - I am here to serve your pleasure

When I am allowed to or encouraged to, I dance. I, the sacred dancer of energy, dances the pain, the impact, the moment, the movement of Eros, the movement of life.

There are so many ME's inside me. Each a longing to give something different. Each a longing to receive something unique. Each hungering to be fulfilled in this life and to support the fulfillment of others.

It depends on my mood, food, health, your hunger, my receptivity, magic, mayhem. I am a Harem, and a sacred circle. I am an invocation for presence, and an evocation of authenticity. I am.

Sacredly Owned & Collared

Candles were lit across the metal bed adorned with hard points, and on the altar. The red & black collar had been resting there on top of the contract and next to statues of Aphrodite & Persephone.

The Persephone statue had been split in two across the center in our February 2nd ritual of initiation into 3rd Degree Priest & Priestess of Eros.

Persephone: The Dark Lady of compassionate rebirth eternally in service to her Dark Lord of Death.

SHE broke during our ritual of initiation as the invoked Hades (my Lord Tim) grasped the invoked Persephone (me) by the throat and pinned her to the ground at the Western Altar. He said "I will take your life," as he brought me down. All the altars shook but only one statue fell, traveling down the stairs to break and land one part on each side of the lion handled chair of the Dead Bard, Gwydion.

Now, 3 months in to our transformative relationship journey and a little over a month from our initiation, we have completed The Contract of Slave to Master, held our ritual, signed, and I am proudly wearing The Collar as I write.

It is a contract for the next 3 months. Revisable. Renewable. An ongoing to choice for me to be of sacred service, and devotion. An ongoing choice of my beloved Master to be of honor and protection.

I have known for years that I have been seeking to surrender. I have known that something in me was longing to be healed and to come forth. I have grown tired of being the sole Priestess, Guide, Controller, of each situation and every relationship. I didn't know that the Goddess would guide me on a Dark Path to fulfill my longings.

It is at times terrifying, and shattering to be on this path. Yet my Lord brings great tenderness and kindness interwoven with that which is fearsome. Each time I tune in to my soul, it says this path and this man is right for me. We are also cross training one another. I am expanding his training as a Priest of Sacred Eros. He is training me to surrender, to come on command, to expand my edges, and ultimately to weave new tools into being the Priestess/Domme.

The Collar is our Sacred Circle. It holds all that we perceive as precious & dear, including our love, our Eros, and our devotion to one another. In THIS sacred circle my beloved is preeminent. In our Magical Circles, I am often preeminent.

Ah dear hearts. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing, according to Helen Keller. I find that I agree. My entire being is inspired by a Good Challenge. THIS is that Good Challenge. I am becoming more. . .

My Vow to The Highest Master Of All

It's a beginning. Always a beginning. Again and again. An entrance into the realms of what is known and unknown.

I've had 2 public scenes now. One in the Citadel for Masters Den. One at Bondage a Go Go.

I have had 2 private scenes now. One with my woman of Tantric BDSM. One with my beloved Master.

I am in an alchemy now of burning away what is not essential, and of deepening into what is.

I must advocate for what is core. I must release what is of ego attachment. Not because anyone else says so, but because I do.

On one hand it is all illusion. All choice. On the other hand, I choose to enter in to the scene of life whole heartedly and with divine contract.

My master is my Sacred Mirror. My Divine Masculine that I have called in to support my self-knowledge, expression of sacred service, and loving devotion. He is my chosen pathway to release and to let go. Yes, to surrender. Perhaps even to submit.

I am his ocean, his sea, his earth and his sky. The fertile ground he seeks to die and be reborn anew. His own Sacred Mirror and pathway into Kingdom.

I feel it is the sacred that is calling to each of us. Something of the Temple Rising that desires to come through us. I feel the heat, & passion deepen between us when we enter in to that Temple. In words, voice, energy, or touch.

I feel it is a habit of being that sticks us into the past, into our limits into the same ol - same ol. There is an opportunity here for transformation.

On Lady Day, we enter in to our 3rd Degree Initiation together. I am in awe of how spirit has guided us to this moment. I am terrified at the changes about to ensue. I am excited.

In the realm of the Sacred, I am his Priestess. He is in devotion to me as representative of The Goddess. I have deemed him worthy to be on the fast track to initiation. On one level he is already highly prepared. On another level newly beginning.

In the realm of BDSM, he is my Master. I feel that I am on a fast track with BDSM, and a complete novice on another.

I vow to give my heart, body, voice, life and vulva to Spirit, as Master above all. Beneath Spirit itself is my precious Lord.

Will You Dance?

There are many beings inside me. I am no one dimensional bodacious babe. Is anyone?

Inside me is the lover, the killer, the saint, the sinner, the pirate, the priestess, the mother, the nymph, the primal, the petrified, and so much more.

I have dreams and desires of being with a man who can flow from one to the other with me. Surfing the changing currents of our tidal to beings. Drowning and being re-born in paradox. The both/and of our infinity.

I don't wish to be tied down, yet I desire to feel the edge of your overpowering strength that I can surrender in to.

Parts of me are ignited & opened by "tears in eyes" tenderness & the lightest of touches, while other parts long be held too tight, bitten too hard, marked to the very bones of my soul by your confident power to own me.

Parts of me long to serve wholly, holy, and completely. To have nothing in my heart & mind but how to support your life being better.

Other parts desire to tear you to bits, eat you for dinner, and fuck you to pieces.

Yet other parts desire to hold a container so huge, unconditionally loving, powerful & compassionate that there is nothing for you to resist, and nothing for you to do but wholly and completely surrender to me and the Divine Channel within me.

Imagine a night of ecstatic, embodied sacred, wild to wonderous, innocent to destructive, divine, dirty, mindless, mindful, entwining of bodies in movement, in music, in flow of one concerto, one drum trance, one flute solo, one cello triad with sax & bass, to another. That is what I long for in sex?

It's not alot to ask, is it?

Or ask Mark Twain says:

"On with the dance; let joy be unconfined" is my motto, whether there is dance to dance or any joy to unconfine. - Mark Twain

And I would add OR any sorrow, rage, fear, wonderment, confusion, of life blood of human emotion. Unconfine it through the sacred dance of bodies, Eros, sweat, passion, slowness, speed, and current. Follow the current as it moves and changes and transforms.

Will you dance with me?

In Sacred Service

I am a gentle soul really. I am having to consciously re-wire myself to enter in to the realms of BDSM. I am leading with my Priestess, my Gracious Queen, and my Being of Sacred Devotion. My Little One can get scared.

I am choosing to do this because it is time. The auguries all point to this direction. I have an ability to sense energy that has me know what subs need in scenes. I have a capacity for devotion that desires to be expressed in service. I am stepping into my 3rd degree initiation as a Priestess of Love & Eros in a couple weeks.

I choose to enter in, in service of myself, those I love, and our world. I choose to love myself (all parts) as I go in. I choose to learn and face new/old/ancient aspects of myself.

Sacred Circle - Confining Box - Kink - Compulsion - Catalyst

As I enter the world, the culture, the universe of Kink - Fetish - BDSM - DS, I feel that I am entering into a continent like Europe. On the surface it can appear to have similarities to itself. As one goes deeper into each country, town, faith, or family the particulars of culture & behavior appear.

Each country has it's own standards of protocol, politeness, and courtesies. Unique to each.

I am discovering that the range of fetishes can extend from cuddling (as a fetish?) to forced masturbation, from belly dancing (as a festish), to asphyxiation play (as play?).

A Dominant can be cruel, demeaning, denigrating, and/or loving, empowering, romantic, and sacred. And so much more. . .

A Submissive can be aroused by pain, empowered by it, needing to be denigrated, subdued, controlled, and/or devotional, in divine service, empowered by surrendering, offering the noble sacrifice in love. And so much more. . .

What I at first assumed was a box, a label, a container that held "them" safe inside, and me safe outside, is turning into a sacred circle, a spiral path, a path into the Great Below of shadow & self-discovery, recovery, uncovery, transformation & back again (and again) for me, and for our world.

All the world is a stage, and we but players (says Shakespeare). In the world of BDSM our erotic time together is a "Scene." Usually negotiated. Sometimes scripted & rehearsed. At times with an indepth contract delineating roles, limits, desires, rewards, punishments, and easy out clauses.

Time/duration may vary from a few minutes, to a few hours, to 24/7 for months or longer at a time.

One of the things I loved about being in theatre was the opportunity to discover myself newly as another character, another self, and ultimately to bring that home and integrate it into my day to day life. I learned that there is nothing that is "not me." That inside me is a universe; an infinity.

I am discovering that again in BDSM. It is an opportunity (always) for the practice of compassion and non-judgment towards myself and others.

Like any path, it can be filled with Shadow; That which is hidden, lost, supressed, rejected, shamed or denied. That is also true for the world of "regular sex" or Tantric Sex. Sex/Eros is such a powerful energy that it can become compulsive, addictive, convoluted, and unconsciously driven. Ultimately psychologically & emotionally hurtful.

Yet, the Left Hand path of Embodied Spirituality says that there is a way through. The way through any experience into consciousness, compassion, the unconditional & loving acceptance of the ALL.

In this world of BDSM anything can be a fetish, a kink, a calling, a compulsion, a lifting up, or a tearing down of who we are (or think we are) in a constructive or destructive way.

Energy follows consciousness. Anything can be sacred. Anything. As we bring out conscious intent to it, it becomes holy. May our soul light & intimate lives shine.

A Deep Alchemy

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Fates Clarion Call

Red Pill or Blue
How far will you
Go or I
In this journey
Of discovery

I am choosing
each day
something new
to die
something to
live
or
reconfigure

Why
Because I am called
Or tired of running
From the currents
of that fate sends me

Fatima
Fortuna
Fata Morgana
Destiny
Kismet
Karma
The Wyrd
Are coming for me now

Through you
My path
My pleasure
My death
My life
My love

I choose
to go where you go
To love where
you love
And to take you
oh so deep inside me
Where you will die
and become anew

If we are blessed
We will see one another
on the other side
in a new light & dark
in celebration
in honor
in awe

This is all happening so fast. Last night I joined FetLife. I am reading "Radical Ecstasy" and "Sacred Exchange." More books are on their way.

I am here for a few reasons:

1) To bring more of the Sacred to BDSM. The temple. The magic.

2) To learn skills sets that will expand my capacity as a healer.

3) To die to who I think I am so that I can become who I am meant to be (again).

4) To be "big" enough to hold with compassion & safety that which seeks to arise and be revealed in my Beloved.

I feel the most sacred purpose is doing "the Great Work" of self actualization on behalf of someone we love. It's a fine line between the divine and the co-dependent. One uplifts us. One tears us down.

A Comment From Bex

Bex Van Koot commented on your link.

Bex wrote "We share a vision.... I remember reading in "Radical Ecstasy" an excellent description of empowerment through BDSM scenes - the kind that you win, and the kind that you lose. One can become empowered by winning - outlasting pain, overcoming obstacles, enduring, staying strong.... but one can also be empowered by losing - breaking down, crying, screaming, begging, lashing about, being the most depraved and imperfect and HUMAN things we can be, falling to pieces.... and being seen, with love, for all that we are."

A Dark Star - Endarkens the Light

When we are together, my Dark Star, it is sweetness. The King and the Queen in service of one another. Two primals in fierce hunger meeting. Two lovers in tender wonder. The Priest & Priestess in their calling.

His world without me includes BDSM porn, collared slaves, guiding erotic journeys of pain, tears & surrender, not because he wants their pain but because they need it. Yet, I sense he needs their energy. That it sources him in some way.

This I can empathize with. I have a Vampire inside. An amoral part of me that feeds on the energy of others. A part of me not to be denied but integrated. In ally relationship & in service of the Priestess.

When I am a Priestess, a counselor, a shaman, I too am the guide. Holding lightly what I think I know so that I can empower the seeker to come home to their truth & empowerment. I wonder how BDSM can be used for this?

So many in the Sex Positive Scene (Tantra, Poly, BDSM, other) seem to have a capacity for erotic play and a desire for variety that does not exist in me. Or if it does, I have judged it, suppressed it, and sent it packing. Or perhaps I am not "wired" that way.

Since I was a young girl I did not like "Spin The Bottle." I only wanted to kiss or connect to someone with whom I felt a true spark.

As a Priestess I have learned to generate that spark of love for each human being. However, I love to share the very best of me with my precious beloved. I desire that he know I reserve the fullness of me, for him.

I am having visions of The Temple swathed in dark silks and velvets, with touches of burgundy. Resonant bells are rung, and low chanting begins. Each supplicant sets an intention. Each Priest/ess prayers for guidance. "What do you seek?" "What is your offering?" each is asked.

In the Temple of Dark Eros, the arts of Power, Surrender, & Sensation used for trance, invocation, vision quest, movement of energy, offering, and healing.

Does anyone see what I see?