Fates Clarion Call

Red Pill or Blue
How far will you
Go or I
In this journey
Of discovery

I am choosing
each day
something new
to die
something to
live
or
reconfigure

Why
Because I am called
Or tired of running
From the currents
of that fate sends me

Fatima
Fortuna
Fata Morgana
Destiny
Kismet
Karma
The Wyrd
Are coming for me now

Through you
My path
My pleasure
My death
My life
My love

I choose
to go where you go
To love where
you love
And to take you
oh so deep inside me
Where you will die
and become anew

If we are blessed
We will see one another
on the other side
in a new light & dark
in celebration
in honor
in awe

This is all happening so fast. Last night I joined FetLife. I am reading "Radical Ecstasy" and "Sacred Exchange." More books are on their way.

I am here for a few reasons:

1) To bring more of the Sacred to BDSM. The temple. The magic.

2) To learn skills sets that will expand my capacity as a healer.

3) To die to who I think I am so that I can become who I am meant to be (again).

4) To be "big" enough to hold with compassion & safety that which seeks to arise and be revealed in my Beloved.

I feel the most sacred purpose is doing "the Great Work" of self actualization on behalf of someone we love. It's a fine line between the divine and the co-dependent. One uplifts us. One tears us down.

A Comment From Bex

Bex Van Koot commented on your link.

Bex wrote "We share a vision.... I remember reading in "Radical Ecstasy" an excellent description of empowerment through BDSM scenes - the kind that you win, and the kind that you lose. One can become empowered by winning - outlasting pain, overcoming obstacles, enduring, staying strong.... but one can also be empowered by losing - breaking down, crying, screaming, begging, lashing about, being the most depraved and imperfect and HUMAN things we can be, falling to pieces.... and being seen, with love, for all that we are."

A Dark Star - Endarkens the Light

When we are together, my Dark Star, it is sweetness. The King and the Queen in service of one another. Two primals in fierce hunger meeting. Two lovers in tender wonder. The Priest & Priestess in their calling.

His world without me includes BDSM porn, collared slaves, guiding erotic journeys of pain, tears & surrender, not because he wants their pain but because they need it. Yet, I sense he needs their energy. That it sources him in some way.

This I can empathize with. I have a Vampire inside. An amoral part of me that feeds on the energy of others. A part of me not to be denied but integrated. In ally relationship & in service of the Priestess.

When I am a Priestess, a counselor, a shaman, I too am the guide. Holding lightly what I think I know so that I can empower the seeker to come home to their truth & empowerment. I wonder how BDSM can be used for this?

So many in the Sex Positive Scene (Tantra, Poly, BDSM, other) seem to have a capacity for erotic play and a desire for variety that does not exist in me. Or if it does, I have judged it, suppressed it, and sent it packing. Or perhaps I am not "wired" that way.

Since I was a young girl I did not like "Spin The Bottle." I only wanted to kiss or connect to someone with whom I felt a true spark.

As a Priestess I have learned to generate that spark of love for each human being. However, I love to share the very best of me with my precious beloved. I desire that he know I reserve the fullness of me, for him.

I am having visions of The Temple swathed in dark silks and velvets, with touches of burgundy. Resonant bells are rung, and low chanting begins. Each supplicant sets an intention. Each Priest/ess prayers for guidance. "What do you seek?" "What is your offering?" each is asked.

In the Temple of Dark Eros, the arts of Power, Surrender, & Sensation used for trance, invocation, vision quest, movement of energy, offering, and healing.

Does anyone see what I see?

Running from Power OR Into Addiction?

Two nights ago I was invited by Nicky Blue to attend PUBLIC DISGRACE. It is a video taping of an extended "scene."

The concept is that a woman walks in to a bar and is humiliated and had sex with. It is in a way staged. With sound lights, breaks for water & food, directors inviting us to "keep our energy up."

In other ways, it needs to be real spankings, slapping, shaming. At least real-ish.

This world is so strange for me. Why would anyone want to be shamed or beaten?

I am asking people how, when, how old, how did they know to get into BDSM? The answers are fascinating.

I can feel into the part of me that would like to dominate others. Prove my strength by being over someone. Manipulate their energy to my bidding. The tastiness. The feeding off energy. The vampire, gargoyle, and beastie in me.

I can feel the part of me that wants to push people aside and say: "Let me show you how to do it right. Can't you see THIS is what she needs to fly, to release."

I am worried about that part of me. It feels so amoral.

I want to be sure that part of me is allied with the Priestess of Healing in me.

I am wondering what this is doing to me to even witness visuals like this. What I am putting into my psyche that will change me or hurt me, or transform me in ways that I may be sorry for later.

My usual kink is energy. My choice is to bring the sacred, the conscious, the caring, the whole and the healing.

Can I enter this world, and bring the sacred to it?

Will I lose myself? My soul?

Will my addict & vampire take over?

Will I run in disgust and miss something that I am here to learn?

Stay tuned.

A Solstice Orgy of BDSM

In so short a time, he is my beloved. At first there was that courageous moment of revealing that attraction is present.

In 2 short weeks my world is transformed. In loving him, I am being given a pathway into the Temple of Dark Eros. I was called here without him. I am blessed he is my guide.

I am a cycle with my Goddess of celibacy until my ritual of Dedication as a Priestess of Love & Eros on February 2nd. (Imbolc/Lady Day). We ride the delectable edges of that. It supports our friendship & the flow of energy between us. I am sure my Goddess has an ironic sense of humor. We connected within days of me publicly declaring that vow.

We have been to a sacred site together for Solstice. Visiting his lovers. It turned into a BDSM orgy & a power play. I managed to be both gracious, grounded, sensually connected & to keep my clothes on.

It shocked my system to its core. It was his heart. Seeing him clearly managing energy, complex relationships, pain, & pleasure with consciousness and care that had me die to who I thought I was and be born anew trusting him as my guide in these matters.

This is his lifestyle but not his lovestyle. Intriguing yes?

At home we float in the tenderest of kisses, and dive into the depth of primal passion that marks our bodies and sears our souls.

He has offered to submit to me, and to be of service. I have only the merest inkling of what that could mean. I find myself adoring him as the sacred lover & Priestess that I am to here that in his world I reflect both the power of a Domme, and the surrender of a Sub, and the devotion of a Slave.

I feel I have entered a new country that speaks a different language, wears different costumes, and has different customs. A land that feels dangerous to me. Have I already crossed a border with no return? Will I be found out as a traitor or spy? Will I be broken & punished for my mistakes? Or guided to become one of its people?

I do not seek to have a Master
I seek to have a King

I do not seek to submit
I seek to give a vow of sacred service

I do not seek to submit to one who is above me
I seek to to surrender to one who is beside me

I do not seek a collar
I seek to be crowned

I do not seek to be trained
I seek to be guided

I do not seek to be a slave
I seek to serve my Lord

I do not seek to be dominated with power
I seek to be ravished with love

I do not seek a Dungeon of Bright Pain
I seek a Temple of Dark Eros

I do not seek to lose myself in the heights of pleasure
I seek to find my soul with Hades & Persephone in the Great Below

All I seek
I am prepared to give

I am waiting
The Lady in her tower
Waiting here

Not to be taken
but to be won